Alas


I cannot afford anger – I cannot afford jealousy I cannot afford fear, I cannot afford to compromise. Those things are much too taxing on my soul now to let them go with reckless abandon. I am not saying I am free of those things as yet but I am aware of them no doubt and the residuals.

Years ago I worked overnight stock. It was break time about 5 AM and I for some reason wanted lemonade. I just so happened on a case of “lemonade”. Until I started to get dizzy I didn’t realize it was Mike’s hard lemonade – a beer. I got a buzz but there it stopped once I realized it was not just lemonade I had been drinking but something “extra”.  Nothing against Mikes hard lemonade if you drink it –  but for me it was bad timing. In the same sense one can catch those things when they appear then simply by becoming aware we are less under the spell. Nor will I deny anger if it should happen or any of those. But I kind of see how ego & anger relate. One feels disrespected – tried, or taken for a fool and reacts in anger. The thing is not to repress jealousy but to see how the compulsion to own has entered.  We take another as an object and wish only to posses them – seeing where we are wrong jealousy is realized to be stupid and childish.  In other words I cannot afford to be unobservant or unconscious. Consciousness, the guiding light – how we are blessed to be able to see beyond fires. The world is in flames hells all created by our own  minds –  god makes a way – we can see with our eyes closed.

– ST

 

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~ by BE LIKE WATER on January 17, 2013.

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